Sin Numeros

"You guys and your numbers...", Audrey says after skimming my blog, something she claims to do anytime there is medical jargon or numbers involved. It is true that my audience is likely a mixed bag: A few fellow students that may think it's neat that I saw a twelve year old with pulsating pupils with adrenal insufficiency and some family or friends that just like updates assuring them that I am not locked up in a Tijuana Jail.

So, for the mixed bag I try to bring a mix. I may write "UTI" one day and "bladder infection" the next. I am a little biased to "UTI" because: a) it sounds like I know what I am talking about b)it is shorter to type c) it's less gross then "bladder infection". Funny how the laymen term is more descriptive, a little more "in your face."

Heart Attack = MI
Anal Warts = Condyloma acuminata
Patient wants to Kill Herself = Suicidal Ideation or SI.

I'd rather have Condyloma twice then anal warts ever. I could go to the Walmart Clinic for an MI, while I may need an ambulance for a heart attack! People see SI and think you have a nice magazine subscription, not a need for anti-depressant prescription.

So I walk the balance of not freaking you out, not boring you to death, and not sounding like a total dork. So you will notice not one single number in this post. I even typed out the word "twelve". Enjoy, because tomorrow we may be back to statistics, percentages and other not-so-titillating minutiae of medicine.

Oh and I watched a circumcision today. Which is medical jargon for strapping a baby to a board, stabbing needles in and around the groin, slicing, dicing and removing his foreskin, and leaving behind a bloody penis, then handing the baby back to the Aunt, because the mother is too freaked to watch any of it, and you don't blame her.....see it's just easier to type "circumcision".